The gentle plucking of the rain 
trough the window. The clicking of
my keyboard, sitting in front of a 
friend on her kitchen table. 

A warm nettle tea helping the work,
helping to calm the mind. 

Stress is causing many nightmares
again, waking up and crying. It's 
deeply seated and challenging
to keep a clear mind, a clear life. 

We're waiting for an answer. 
Maybe nothing will happen, 
maybe my world will be in turmoils
for months or years. 

The wait is agonizing. 

Waiting is hard. Not knowing is
hard. My life has changed, I am 
not the same anymore. Trauma modify
how I react to the world. 

I see cellphones around, people 
with their own reality, with their
own judgement. I feel usafe, naked,
fragile, observed. My reality is 
fragile and has been broken. 

Will it come back?

This too will pass,
this too is conciousness. 

But even if it will pass, 
I won't be the same.

Is it added to who I am
or did a part of the self
got chunked away?

If I change with trauma, then 
I might be thining my limitation. 
If I don't change with trauma, 
I might be adding more limitation
to my life. 

This trauma has changed me. 
Is it a positive change?