Ostera

"The world died 4 years ago"

I had tea with a friend over the weekend and this 
statement of his stayed with me. For the last few
years something shifted, reality isn't the same
anymore. Everything seems like escapism and I try
to justify my actions as if my life depended on it. 

Is this how it would feels like if society 
awaken? A division, a cutting from the past, 
what used to bring me joy doesn't work anymore, 
I can't 'fake' it?

Why are these words stuck in my mind? What did
it trigger?

When I become aware of an unhealthy habit, I can
choose to put my head in the sand and continue or, 
I can invite change in my life. Either way this 
habit won't ever feel the same, as I am now aware 
of it being unhealthy. If we take the assumption 
that human might be going through a global shift 
in evolution, a lot of our 'old ways' wouldn't 
feel healthy anymore. 

Keeping balanced has been harder and harder lately. 
As if the 'potential' the 'energy' was greater and
therefore keeping the middle path has become more
of a challenge. Going to one extreme of anger and fear
or to the other extreme of numbness and passivity 
has a lot more pull. Becoming polarized, radicalized,
seems easier, a simpler way of living. 

This is also a balance between the old and the new. 
Do I prefer to go back to my 'old' ways? 
Or do I have the courage to step into a new reality. 

***

We had a small ceremony for the spring equinox
this year. I feel like relationship are challenging
lately, with others around us, but with ourselves. 

I finally got my gear out, and improvised musically
while Melina was teaching yoga. I used the Kork Volca
beats, the Mopho, the Octatrack, a mic, hand drum and 
a steal tongue drum. My flute was around but I didn't
get to play with it. Nobody really commented on the 
performance and when I approached one of the student
to say that I was nervous about the performance, 
they didn't realized it was live music! 

There were no major hick up and I played it 
quite safe. I played in A Minor as the steal
tongue drum was tuned for that, and created
a loop of of a drone form the Mopho with 
and octave and a fifth filtered with a bit of
movement. I then played some sample from the 
lake to add some watery textures. I then added
a soft arpegio and finally a good kick drum 
from the Beats. I played and sampled the steal
tongue drum with some reverb which created a nice
high tone vibration, and then finally
played some thunderstorm and Thrush singing. 

I ended up with a randomized arpegio of 3 octaves
of a 1, octave, third and fifth, creating a plucking
sound which ended up matching the steal tongue
drum so well that it felt like an extension
of the instrument. 

This is the first time that I played live,
improvised electronic instrument for a yoga class
and it feels really good. I'm glad I waited so
long to perform but at the same time, I wish I started
that many years ago! But the result was pretty good. 

This type of creative, healing, gathering and
ceremony doesn't feel like escapism. It has been
one of my goal in this challenging phase of
my life. Merging the different aspects of 
healing and creativity while cultivating community;
this is for me at the heart of a new way of being. 

Maybe the world has ended 4 years ago, but a new 
world is being created. I can actively move in 
this new world, or try to hold on to a world
that is not needed anymore. Both path will be
challenging as the constructs that I've used my
whole life will need to crumble and hopefully
be rebuilt. 

Anyone else is feeling that shift?