In Brazilian music there is a 
concept, a word, saudade, which
represent that melancholia, that
sad but wishful emotion. 

There are no direct transaction 
to English and I can see why 
that is. 

Each language have their own
emotions, and it affect the 
culture who uses the language. 
So exploring emotions in one
language only can be limiting. 

Saudade is not an English 
emotion, so it might not even
be understandable by English
speaking readers. It might
not even be a possibility to 
experience that emotion itself. 

Today I picked up my violin.
It felt really good. In the
middle of the storm, in the
middle of my 15 years relation
breaking apart, playing the
violin brought me back. 

I wasn't happier, I wasn't
'over' the crisis, but it 
made me appreciate the emotions.
The Saudade of the moment, 
the saudade of life.

In that moment, I wanted to
be the fool. The fool that
keeps signing at the end
of the world. The musicians
on the Titanic having nothing
better then continuing to play
while the ship is sinking. 

Gipsy music also has that 
quality, this beauty in sadness. 
This soft sensation that 
everything is fine even
if everything is falling
apart. 

In the present moment
everything is always fine. 
A second before being 
executed, the prisoner 
can still enjoy one last
breath. Every moment can
be enjoyed in presence 
and in peace. 

I want to be the fool. 
I want to relax in the storm. 

I want to pick up my fiddle 
and let the tears flow 
without hurt, simply being.
I loved, deeply loved
playing today. I realized
the pain wasn't mine. 
And although I felt 
compassion, it didn't need
to take hold of my heart. 

My ego wants to justify
my suffering, while the
observer knows; It's 
all going to be fine,
keep on dancing, keep
on playing.