Why the Mastodon Went Extinct
by 
Ken Bushnell

     Okay!  I know why the Mastodons went extinct; it's 
because people made pets out of them.  The caveman 
figured they could haul logs, clear brush and fend off 
wild animals so they tamed the Mastodons and made pets 
out them.
     But you know like all pets first they want to come 
inside.  We tell them no but eventually we give in if 
they'll stay on the tile.  That only works for a while 
and sooner or later they want to sleep on the rug.  
Then its the couch and before you know it they're 
sleeping in the bed with us.
     Thing's worked for a while but it's the last one 
that made the Mastodons extinct; they rolled over in the 
bed.  Poor flat humans had to teach them a lesson that 
the giant critters couldn't learn, and so they beat the 
tar out of 'em.  It only took a couple of times of being 
rolled over on by a five ton Mastodon before the caveman 
decided to make lunch meat out of their pet.  Hey life 
was tough back then.
   Okay.  So our ancestors didn't kill off the Mastodon 
by making lunch meat out of them.  What really happened 
is that we started feeding them table scraps and you 
know how that goes.  Humans will eat just about anything 
and the Mastodons couldn't stomach it so they starved to 
death trying to eat grass.  Go figure.  That's why 
they've found some of the frozen ones with grass still 
in their mouths.  The Mastodons went extinct trying to 
get away from our table scraps way up there where it's 
cold.

The End
2011 Ken Bushnell
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