How I Saved the Planet Earth  Mike Bammer story


   Typical alien abduction scenario.  My name is Mike 
Bammer.  I was driving on a rural road, at night, bright 
lights appear, car stops running and then I'm teleported 
to some stainless steel looking room.
   I find myself strapped to a cold table and an alien 
enters the room.  A tall thin alien, more hips than 
shoulders, big eyes, long arms.  It's holding something 
that looks like a syringe.  It puts on a rubber glove.  
I try and resist and then I'm out.  I don't remember a 
thing until I'm back in my car watching the bright lights 
jet off to the horizon and then they're gone.
   A few days later I start hearing a buzzing in my head.  
It becomes unbearable every time I go in one direction 
and then diminishes when I go in the other direction.  
As I try and stand still the sound gets louder, until it 
becomes unbearable until I go in the right direction.  I 
get in my car and head towards the city.  The sound is 
there but low and bearable as I keep driving.  I pull 
over to a quick stop to get a cup of coffee.  The sound 
gets louder.  Once back in the car it quiets down again 
when I start driving to the city again
   A couple of wrong turns and the sound leads me to 1818 
River Lane.  I park the car and go in the front doors.  
The sound continues to abate as I move in the direction 
of the elevators.  As I step into the open elevator the 
eleventh floor button lights up.  The elevator goes up I 
get off.  I step left and the sound gets louder, I go 
right and it quiets down.  The sound finally abates in 
front of room 1111.  I try stepping away from the door.  
The sound returns.  I have little choice.  I knock on the 
door.
    A gentleman in a gray suit opens the door.  "Come 
in,"  he says.  The sound in my head is still quiet.  
There is a group of similarly gray suited men sitting 
around a large laminate table over by some windows that 
overlook the city.  "Sit down,"  another says as he 
stands up and gestures me to the only empty chair.
   "Okay.  You obviously drove me here.  What's the 
deal?"  I asked impatiently.
    "We have no quarrel with you,"  a soft spoken elderly 
gentleman said who was sitting next to the one who had 
stood up and is now sitting back down.  "We have directed 
you here to deliver a parcel to recipient zero."
     I look around the room.  It is empty except for a 
round, what looks like a panel, on one side that extends 
from the floor to ceiling.  Next to it is a stand with a 
round, stainless steel looking orb.
   "A parcel," I say still trying to sound like I'm in 
control.  "What's in it?" I ask.
   "Medium for patient zero,"  the elderly gentleman once 
again replies.  He gestures to another gray suit sitting 
across the table who gets up and walks over to the panel.  
He puts his hand on the orb and then steps through the 
panel, which seems to have turned opaque for his entry.  
All of a sudden a small cylindrical object comes back 
through panel.  It bounces on the floor and the suit that 
went through returns through the panel and picks it up.  
The cylinder is round, about eight inches long and capped 
on both ends.  It also looks like stainless steel, or the 
color of it, although it appears to be light weight as 
the gray suited gentleman handles it.  He hands it to the 
elderly suit.
    "Patient Zero is in this city."  The elderly suit 
touches the table in front of him and a holographic image 
appears in front of Bammer.  It's an image of a beautiful 
brunette."
	"That's Crysti Winkly."  I recognize here 
immediately.
   The suit responds.  "Yes we know.  You are friends."
   I had been on a couple of cases where I reported to 
Crysti.  She is the good looking local news anchor on 
channel 2.  She's successful and has connections.  We 
have a deal.  She pays for 'the first lead' as she calls 
it.  If I come across something, and it's newsworthy, she 
will pay it for it if I gave it to her first.  She's also 
good at getting people through the right doors.  I need 
Crysti and Crysti needs me, usually to do th dirty work.  
But how am I going to tell her about this?  She'll never 
believe me.  Aliens?
    The suit tossed me the cylinder.  "Hey it's light 
weight."  I said as I caught it.
	"Good dexterity,"  the suit said.
    "You must keep it sealed until you reach patient 
zero."  A holographic image appeared where the image of 
Crysti was.  It was of two people kissing.  "Then you 
must swap dna and then and only then can you open the 
cylinder."
   "What if I open it right here?"  I said grabbing an 
end cap and pretending to pull.
   "You will turn into a fungi," said the elderly suit.  
"Your life as you've know it, with movement, senses, and 
the human experience will all be gone and you'll be a 
simple fungi life form, attached to a rock or tree, or 
something wherever you happen to be at the time."
    "What's this dna mumbo jumbo?" I demanded
	"You must get some of her dna.  She is the only 
person alive who can mutate the substance zero into a 
toxin for all mankind so they can fight off the Marsuveal 
invasion.  You must have some of her dna in your system 
before you can mutate effectively.  You humans do this 
quite ineffectually when you touch lips."  The suit 
didn't blink while he talked to me.
	"This is absurd.  Marsuveal.  What's that?"  I 
demanded further.
	"They are a species fast approaching your solar 
system.  They invade by taking over the dominate species 
on a planet.  You humans must develop a chemical makeup 
that will repel the Marsuveals.  Once they try and invade 
your species, and find it distasteful, they will leave 
and your planet will be saved.  However humans loose all 
intellectual control once they absorb the substance zero 
and either become really smart self absorbed or really 
dumb.  Dumb people make mistakes that the Marsuveals will 
get frustrated with and smart people are arrogant and 
just sit around and talk a lot which the Marsuveals also 
can't stand.  The Marsuveals will be repelled and go 
away.  There are a couple of other little things, but I 
don't think you have to worry about that.  You don't have 
a choice."  The suit shifted in his seat.
	"The obvious question is why don't you deliver it 
yourselves?"  I still wasn't sure and was trying to buy a 
little time.
	"We don't have the energy to sustain this human 
presence long enough.  We need a fellow species member to 
deliver the substance zero and you are the perfect 
choice."
	I picked up the cylinder and headed for the door.
	"One more thing,"  the suit said.  "Once you are 
exposed to the substance do not dance.  You will have 
lost your rhythm and will look ridiculous."
	I paused for a second and decided not to ask and 
went out the door.  The noise was back but at a dull hum.  
I proceeded down the elevator and out the front doors.  
The flapping slip of paper under my windshield wiper told 
me I had gotten a parking ticket.  I had parked just a 
couple of inches over the white line in the next space 
and for this they gave me a ticket.  It was already 
getting harder to save the world.
   I drove across town to Crysti's.  The dull sound was 
there in my head, not painful.  Just enough to let me 
know that if I didn't follow through on my task it would 
get louder.  Somehow these aliens knew.  I don't know how 
they knew, but they knew.
   Cyrsti lived in a downtown condo not far from the 
river.  I pulled up and parked in front, went to the side 
entrance and pressed Cyrsti's key code.
  "Who is it?"  I heard her voice over the intercom.
   "It's Mike.  "I've got something important."  I told 
her.
   She buzzed me in.
   As soon as I opened the door to her condo; "On your 
knees slave boy!"  Crysti was a dominatrix.
   "Yes mistress."  Sure I played the game but look what 
it got me.
   Crysti was wearing a short frilly tutu skirt with 
garters high on her legs holding up stockings.  She wore 
a tight top and carried a riding crop.  "How dare you 
open my door when I didn't call you,"  she went on.
   "You know Cee ..."  That was my nick name for her.  
"You can ride your stallion.  I'm here for you."
   "What brings you to darken my door step?"  She 
punctuated with a slap across my back side with her 
riding crop.
   "Aliens Cee.  They want to take over the human race.  
I thought you'd like the story.  You have to help me,"  
I blubbured a little for excitement.
   "Oh come on.  Aliens?  You haven't wigged out on me 
Bammer," she instructed.
   "Take me to the stable."  She punctuated with another 
slap across the back side as she put her leg over me back 
to ride me like a horse.  It's just a game we play.
   I carried her over to the Armour she kiddingly called 
a stable.  It contained all of her bondage gear.  She 
pulled out a muzzle with a leash and started to put it on 
me.  "No Cee.  I have something important to tell you."
   "You must ride me over to my editing table and then 
I'll let you talk,"  Crysti went on.
   I played the game some more.  She was getting kind of 
loose with that riding crop but I still took her over to 
the desk where she edited her video feeds for the news.
   "On the floor,"  Crysti barked.  "you will address me 
only while you are in the prone position."
   I laid down on the floor as Crysti got off.  She went 
behind her desk and sat down at her computer.
   "Look Cee.  You're not going to believe this, but I 
was abducted by aliens.  They probed me and put something 
in me to make do what they want."  Sure I was blubbering 
a little, but it was just for effect.  This is how Crysti 
and I got along.
   "That's crazy.  I might have to put you on the rack."  
Crysti said.
   "Oh honey,"  I said.
   Crack!  The riding crop hit the desk.  "I didn't say 
you could speak.  Go ahead what is it?"
   "Look Cee.  These guys are legit.  I'm not seeing 
things here.  There is some advanced technology.  Stuff 
nobody's seen."  I wasn't sure yet how much I should tell 
her.
   Crack!  "And you want me to buy this story from you?"  
Crysti was looking at her computer screen while she 
talked.
   "No Cee.  They gave me this."  I pulled the cylindar 
out of my pocket.
   "Let me see."  Crysti looked interested.
   I tossed her the cylindar.  She looked at it and then 
started to pull off the end.
   "No!"  I said.  "Don't open it."
   Crysti paused.  I got up and went around the desk.  I 
grabbed her and kissed her.  It was a sloppy wet kiss, 
but we swapped dna.  "Okay now you can open it."
   "What?"  Crysti looked perturbed.  "I didn't say you 
could get up."  She didn't balk at the kiss.
   "Okay.  Now you can open it."  I relaxed.
   Cyrsti pulled the end off the cylinder and looked 
inside.  "Hey it's empty,"  she said.
   "Well that's my story and I'm sticking to it."  The 
seen changes to an office.  It's white, medical.
   "Do you have the cylindar?"  A doctor asks from behind 
the desk.
   "Yes,"  Bammer replies.  He hands the cylinder to the 
doctor.
   "It's empty,"  the doctor exclaims.
   "I know, but the aliens told me ... well you know ... 
dna and all.  That's how I saved the World from the 
Marsuveal invastion.
   The doctor presses a button on his desk.  Two 
attendants come in with a straight jacket.
   "I wonder if you can put this on,"  the doctor says as 
the attendants hold it up, "so we can alert the army, the 
navy and the air force."
   Fade out.
   
   
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 kbushnel.sdf-us.org/contact.html
      
	
	
	
	
	
	
	
	
	
	
Mike Bammer
Crysti Winkly 'Cee'
patient zero
substance zero

Marsuveal