I've tried to find successful turkey bacon. Haven't. They can
   turn turkey into anything except bacon. Total fail. Decaf I
   switched to once when I was on an excess caffeine situation and
   wanted to detox a little but I love my coffee. Went back to
   caffeine once I realized it was the ephedrine and Niacin excess.
   Non alcoholic beer _could_ work if I switched it in regular
   bottles/cans... if I wanted to subvertly use my clear-thinking
   to rationally overcome a group of drunk people who thought I was
   drunk like them and cause them to do my bidding... but generally
   best avoided.