Yeah, I found having it available was better than actually using
   it. It's good shit - works for panic attacks/anxiety. Avoiding
   using it but knowing it's there is nice. I think I still have a
   few ancient pills sitting in a bottle somewhere. Well, you
   helped your credit - that's not a bad thing. Plus you can always
   press forward in new directions in any case. I was never much of
   a planner: stuff happens and I deal with it best I can. I look
   back at alternate realities that 'could've been' but I keep in
   mind they're fictions. It's not the road I took, i took this one
   and I like fooling myself that it's a good one. Might as well.
   No takey-backey. Like now: Should I be sitting in front of a
   computer at 3am? Nope. I should be sleeping and tomorrow getting
   up to work as a quantum physicist getting stressed about the
   next thing I have to publish and dreaming that I was sitting
   behind a computer at 3am in a quiet forest somewhere.