[Freedom]

I decided I don't care anymore. I tried too hard, and it didn't work.
I changed my goals concretely using pen & paper in my analog journal:

	Let go of some goals.
	  Goals of love, of a supportive, caring, loving companion,
	  are not on the table. They may be viable at some point, but
	  for now I must shift my focus.
	
	Immediate Goal: true independence--> my own apartment, new job

	...
	...[abridged]

	Long-term Goal: help develop cyborgs

	if(!cyborg)
	  Long-term Goal: obtain love

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I feel a *lot* better.
Let idiots be idiots. I'll just live around them.

I listened to a TED Radio Hour episode on loneliness. Apparently it's
a survival mechanism -- Duh, I probably figured that out already, but
needed to hear it from some external authority on psychology/neuroscience.
The purpose of the feeling is to ensure survival: protection from predators,
an alliance against enemies, help securing food and shelter, and...well that's
about it.
Understanding this, I burned the following concept into my subconscious: I 
have survived on my own, without a permanent foundation of social support, 
for about 15 years now. *I don't need people*. Yes, I occasionally benefit 
from temporary "friends" to get me through circumstance, but no one stuck 
around (stayed in contact) and I apparently don't need them to. I can 
survive thusly indefinitely.
Of course the subconscious mind doesn't respond to logic and reason; it 
responds to symbols, emotions, and events. So I sat for a good minute or
two and remembered the times I got stuck in a rut and wasn't sure what to
do, then, being resourceful, improvised my way out of it. I remembered 
how good it felt to solve those problems and survive or even thrive.

Now I feel a *lot* better.