2020-06-23
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I have been part of a mob once. It happened accidentally. Me and
some friends came onto a scene where people were protesting 
an order to demolish some historical buildings. We felt like
hanging around, so we stayed.

First there was a campfire on a courtyard between these
buildings. Then people built a barricade out of discarded rubble
that was laying around. The fire started growing larger but there
was no one with any control of the situation, so nothing was done
about it. People kept tossing stuff onto the fire.

We decided to leave once the fire had spread to maybe 20 times 20
meters and someone had pushed a fridge into the fire. Spray cans
that were thrown in lost their caps and flew like little rockets
over people randomly. The fridge was pushing black smoke to the
sky.

We watched from higher ground as the police put their riot gear
on behind the smoke. They walked in an unbroken line towards the
burning courtyard and one of the onlookers played the
Terminator 2 theme song on their cd player.

The mob scattered. I don't think anyone resisted. The fire was
put down. Next day we found out in the news that someone had come
later in the night and burned those buildings down. Or maybe the
fire was still smoldering in the buildings and had spread?

The weird thing about this story is that I feel strangely detached
from the responsibility of being part of this. Looking back it is
quite clear that if this was supposed to be a protest that saved
those buildings, it failed so badly as to actually seem like it was
designed to do the exact opposite. Turning a yard into a lake of
fire is not the best idea when trying to save the buildings
around it. And I was there participating in this, but at the same
time I feel like I was not making any decisions.

I think my individuality was suspended for the time I was there.
And it felt good. It had some sense of invulnerability. I think
this is some war instinct or something like that. The group
mood sort of takes over. Nothing that happens is going through
any reasoning capabilities. It's a sort of mob high.

It's been a long time but I don't know how to integrate this
experience into myself. I feel disgusted by mobs now. I feel like
I was used by something. I feel shame for going with the mob 
instead of using my own brain. But there definitely was a phase
I would have defended what we did there. The motives were right,
I might have said. It just got out of control, I might have said.
Well the truth is it was never under control and there were no 
people there with a plan.

I think the impulse to justify the mob is an attempt to integrate
the story into myself. Had the protest been a success I might
not be what I am today. It would have been too easy to justify.
I may have sold my individuality.

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