2020-09-20
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I haven't written here in a while. Been busy preparing for the
winter. There's so much to do and when you only have the weekends
and evenings, it's a lot. We are basically attempting to live at
the farm through the winter, even though the property is not up
to modern standards. Although, it is up to some pre-modern
standards that are quite robust. Basically we will survive quite
comfortably even if we lose the grid.

I think this has to be one of the most physically active times in
my life. Other than my actual work, which consists of sitting in
front of the machine, I am in motion most of the time. Even did
some running with the dog. So I think I am on a pretty good track.

Mentally as well, overall it's not horrible. I have been able to
draw a better work / life balance than before. The fact that
people are physically unable to reach me is very useful for me.
I need long periods of uninterrupted time to focus on what I am
doing, and now that I have been working from home it has become
very clear to me how draining the normal office work expectations
are. I am pretty much expecting to never again work in an office.
Or if I am it must be a lot more involved situation. At the moment
something like 90% of my work I do solo.

In other mental realms, I suppose I have been less connected to
the chatter than before. By chatter I mean the mass of opinions
and trivia that are the main course of the mainstream. I don't
use any time on any content that is not long form and at the 
countryside I am rarely in presence of billboards or even radio.
This has started to have an interesting effect on me. I can feel
my mind becoming less arbitrary. I don't really have the "normal"
mental talk. I suppose the function of that talk is to rummage
through unfinished conversations, or what the mind has classified
as conversations, but that are in fact someone's attempt at 
persuation through media. The monkey mind just knows that it has
been challenged emotionally and it is trying to find out what
it thinks about the issue. If I am perceiving this right, it has
deep consequences for me. It would mean, for example, that I am
not going to be happy living in a city, where escaping the
billboards and and supermarket announcements is just going to be
too hard.

This may seem like a crazy jump from "feeling slightly more
free from mental chatter" to "I will never live in a city" but 
it isn't really. What I have noticed now more than before is that
I enjoy focus. I can have more focus, more productive thoughts
out of my day when I am not brought down and dissipated by these
random assaults on my free will.

Happiness is finding your prison, the niche you HAVE to occupy
because it is the most worthwhile. When you have ruled out so
many things you are paralyzed to one place, one hilltop, then
you have it. Maybe.

But yeah, what I said before about social mobility being a
stressor, that applies here. I mean, if there are different
outcomes, then it must mean that in some of them you will be
happier than others, and if you are able to perceive the
difference, then you must limit some outcomes away. So you are
effectively building your cage and you will be the happiest when
you leave most of the world outside your cell.

Socially I feel like I have come a full circle or something. I am
in a more introverted space than in some time, but it feels
calming, meditative. I may need some time to let things settle in
my mind.

There is something else too. Some seriousness, some lack of humor
for distractions. Some stoic impulse. And not in the peaceful way.
If feels like the world is being led astray on some silly hunt
for pleasure or whatever, and it's happening as there is genuine
need for an alarm being raised on emergencies coming at us from
several directions. 

What makes up a robust social response for an emergency? It is
a critical mass of self-driven individuals able to co-operate
in a rational manner. The past generations were pacified and
dumbed down by the idiot box. The current are kept dull by the
smart phone.

Keep out of the accepted narrative. Keep your tools ready and
your skills sharp. Keep doing stuff. Practice, think, get better.
Test your mettle against reality.

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