2020-09-25
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I never was easily flabbergasted. I knew there were people who
were better than me, but I don't think I ever would have been
anyone's fan.

But there is a mode of seeing someone through some archetypal
reflection or whatever. You know, like if you see someone who is
extremely good at what they do, like a true artist. Seeing an
artist at their work might be a cornerstone of someone's
self-regard.

Or if you are falling in love. The person is not actually a real
person, but an idol. The person is like a keepsake for some
better person you would like to be.

In the case of falling in love I can understand this. But what is
the other case about? Is it some kind of inborn search for a 
leader?

I can see it in myself in two ways. First, there are a few people
who I see in this light. I am expecting more from them than what
is reasonable to expect. Second, I see myself in this role for
some others. This is the harder part.

The idea of myself reflected from someone else is what is pushing
me into a corner. My perfectionism would not be a big deal if I
didn't feel like I am letting someone down by failing their
expectations.

Their expectations are unreasonable, of course. I am just a
regular person. The things I do better than others are just a
result of being motivated and curious.

But I am pretty sure this aura is what pushes people up in the
hierarchy (in the case they are not rich to begin with). You have
to let go and be carried downstream by the archetype.

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