2020-12-21
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It's going to be a dark christmas. Even on a normal year it's a
time of depression for many. What will it be this year?

I am not in any really problematic situation myself, but even so I 
feel the pressure. I don't think I have any other option but to not
meet any of my family at this time. At the same time, I don't 
want to seem judgemental of their choices. I know part of my
family will be having almost a normal christmas celebration.
Is it "right"? I don't know. To myself it seems like if enough
people do this, we will have an explosion of cases. But if they
have made their decision, I also don't feel like I want to bring
them down by explaining my reasons for not joining them.
I feel responsible towards the society and towards my family.

So, thinking about this little dilemma it occurs to me that many
many people will have a lot worse problems on their hands. Not
that this hasn't been the case during the year, but I think that
around christmas it will take a sharper focus. The small things
will seem bigger. Also, there may be a tendency to try to brush
the small things aside, saying "So many have it worse. This is
not worth worrying about."

These things pile up. It seems pretty gloomy to me. There's
something paralyzing in it. I have a similar sense of foreboding
about christmas as I had in the spring, when shit was going down
in Italy.

During the past year I have come to see myself in a strangely
dual way. I go to this slightly catastrophising mode where I 
intuit things. I almost see these forces as ghosts that move
slowly over the world, pulling things in with their gravity.
Then I sort of pull myself out of it and try to see that this
image might be one possibility but it is more often than not
on the negative side. I see things more pessimistically in this
intuitive mode.

Jung started his career based on this sort of intuition. 
He thought he had a premonition about the beginning of
the world war. Actually, he thought he was crazy but the beginning
of the war "saved" him, since it gave him some confidence that
his vision was not only a sign of illness. He kept recording
these images and made a special private book about them. He
thought of it as a sort of bible or some monolith that he built
himself up with. This book has only been published ten years ago.
It's called the Red Book. I have been thinking I should start
something similar.

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