2022-07-25
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The stone of white and pink falls past the seagull, bounces off
the flysch and sinks in the waves, hopefully dragging at least
some of my worries down with it.

Now, after reflection, I see that there was a deeper meaning to
why the worries tied to the stone were not about my burned up
relationship, but rather my everpresent social unease. While the
social inadequacy might seem a bigger problem since it is older,
it nevertheless is easier to solve than the 'other stone'.

The other stone is more like a cave. It was my environment for
the past eight years. We spent so much time together with my ex 
that it wouldn't be impossible that it rivals the amound I have
spent with each of my parents. At least it's about the same order
of magnitude. It would be impossible to negate or even counter
such influence, especially this fast. Also, which parts of the
current 'me' should I negate?

My life as it is today is built on top of that rock. Sure there
are older structures, my friends, family, the art, but my 'real
world' successes, limited as they may be, were based on that
relationship, as was my growing trust in my social skills on a
wider arena than what it was a decade ago. So how would I even
have dislodged that stone, as I am standing on it?

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