2022-08-13
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It's been an emotional time. Some of these shocks I keep getting
hit me in a physical way. I got some information that made me
reconsider my relationship with someone, and these news hit me
like a gut punch followed by sort of a lethargy.

This physical aspect of my mental state reminds me of what I have
read or heard about depression. Maybe I should investigate towards
that direction. It doesn't seem very appealing subject to me at
the moment. If I remember correctly, depression would be the
repetition of those patterns, not the patterns themselves. So,
maybe I'm ok.

I wish there were better options for therapy. My
anti-authoritarian core makes me despise the basic therapy 
approach. They just sit there, trying to make themselves "look"
neutral. Maybe they even think that they are being neutral?

To me it seems that the psychologists themselves have said that
there is the unconscious with it's unrecognized biases. How then
should a therapist better relate to their client by repressing
the biases? I think what they should do is to level with me, and
just be a person, who happens to have all this knowledge at their
disposal. Now they just make themselves look like they are the
authority, and an uncomfortable authority at that.

I also don't like the fact that the therapist types this stuff
on their computer, and there it will wait for anyone to break
in and sell it online.

So, I think my personality makes me very bad candidate for therapy
although I am very good at puzzling throught these things with
the sort of language that a therapist would find close to theirs.

I guess I will just have to keep puzzling on my own.

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