2023-08-23
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I am going to call my new partner K. The ex is G.

We spent a few days together with K at her apartment after she
had broke the news to G. The news that we were an item now.

We, K and I, are literally the oldest friends G has in this
country. I would even say that we are the most loyal friends she
has, even after me breaking up with her. But in this case
"loyalty" would have a different definition than what she would
find meaningful. We were talking to ourselves about her, thinking
about what is best for her even when she herself was making
decisions that were not in her own interest. I think the people
G thinks as her friends are just people who listen to her story
and don't question it.

Not that this was a theme or anything like that. It is just that
I don't think any one of us has many people in our lives that
will think of you on their own time and worry about your
wellbeing. Except our parents, I suppose.

When G was claiming to be suicidal, K was the one who I told about
it, because she had been worried about Gs overeating, and was
about to confront her about it. So, I told this may not be the
best time for the confrontation, as G was talking about killing
herself. That was when we started silently colluding in favor of
Gs wellbeing. It wasn't like we were hashing out plans. It was
more like I knew that K had an eye out for her and she knew I
had as well.

So, K told G that we were together now. We had decided that it was
best she told her instead of me, as I am not Gs favourite person
now, so she might take the news better coming from her. Initially
it went as well as might be hoped for. G said she needed to 
digest this and left. Then K told another close friend of all of
us. I'll call her M. She went full judgmental straight up, and
pretty much thought it was somehow morally wrong for K to date
me. And she let K have it right then and there.

Side note about M. Her spouse cheated on her a few years back and 
they split. I think M is pretty much projecting that onto the
situation we have with G and K.

Obviously I am not cheating G since we broke up a year ago.
Whether or not K is somehow breaking some bro-code by dating
her friend's ex is beyond my understanding. I personally don't
think that "there are plenty of fish in the sea", not for me
at least, and I don't think for K either, since we are sort of
niche people. So in that sense it seems like if you find a good
match, you should explore the possibility, since these matches
are super rare. Also, whatever pain G might be feeling about
K and me is not really "attached" to the situation, but something
in the past. Or, in other words, I am not going to wait for some
signal that she has gotten over me sufficiently for me to do what
I think is essential for my happiness.

On that note, I was mulling over this thing, especially about
the fact that I can understand G and M and what their points of
view are. I walked on the shore with a beer and a thought kept
coming back: "Why do I need to be the one to understand everyone?"
I don't. This case, I don't have to be the one. M is totally
overstepping all kinds of boundaries by having this emotional
response (I didn't mention that she is pushing her ideas to G
as well, fueling her on). Even if this was a love triangle
between G, K and me (it is not, since G and I were over), there
is no role for M in it. For her to pick one of her friends as
"the one in the right" and shittalk the two is just petty and
sort of self-centered. And with G, she doesn't understand that
K and I have been rooting for her all along. Even now, we are
hoping that everyone would just be happy and let us be happy.
All this drama for what?

K and I, we see other people's perspectives, but in other ways
we are also ready to blow shit up when it is needlessly blocking
what we want.

Yesterday I messaged G and told her if she wants to talk, I am
here. She messaged me back saying the time for talk was a year
ago, and that I am a coward for not having the discussion with
her at that time. "And don't contact me". She also messaged K
saying their friendship is over.

Maybe it will blow over in time. It seems now that K has lost 
at least one friend, possibly two, since M is so busy projecting
her previous relationship on us. I lost my dog-child again, as
G has gone silent treatment on me and is sure to not let me
see the dog. There are other possible ripples on me as M is
part of an artist group I am in, and I would feel not welcome
there if she keeps up her shittalking about me.

Yeah, what I was saying about K and me. One thing about us is
that we are individualistic and fucking singular, each of us.
It is inspiring to me that she takes a risk like this. I mean
having a go at me even when facing these risks. She knew it
from the start and she went for it. And it is not like a "fuck
you" to the collateral. It is more like she could see
that the risk is there but was still hoping for G and M to meet
their higher potential and realise that whatever was before is
not defining this moment. They could have chosen to be bigger
than this.

Yeah, I don't have to understand the haters. I can see they have
their view and I just go my own way in spite of it. I am never so
sure of anything as I am now. Strange though, this has the
potential to completely transform who I thought my friends are,
and I don't find it too bleak. The anxiety comes and goes, but
I keep coming back to the thought that if they can't be happy
for me and K, then they may as well go their own way. Priorities.

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