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        Children and boundaries
        2018.05.30 13:32:26 CEST
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        I've talked about this many times before with my friends, but I
        don't recall posting it here. Plus we had an experience this past
        Saturday which I'm still meditating on.
       
        The common practice here when educating children is "let them
        negotiate their boundaries among themselves". In other words, if you
        see two kids discussing, pushing each other or playing rough, don't
        interfere. If the outcome displeases one of them, the parent will
        tell him/her it's up to them to impose their will in a stronger
        manner. Another example, if a child is pushing my son, the
        expectation is that my son pushes back and not come to me for
        assistance.
       
        As a parent raised in a different culture, it's been hard to control
        myself and not interfere, but I believe I'm doing well so far. I
        also understand the arguments in favor of this approach: it teaches
        children to be independent, to solve their own problems and take
        matters into their own hands.
       
        On the other hand, I keep getting frustrated at other parents. For
        example, this past Saturday a boy in the park was throwing stones at
        other children. None of the victims' parents said anything, again
        the expectation is for the children being hit to push back and
        complain to the boy, which they did and the boy just picked another
        target. He did this for a good 20 minutes and I exchanged looks with
        other parents, so we all understood the repeating pattern. My
        frustration? The boy's parents did nothing. Nothing.
       
        If one of my sons push, hit or hurt another child, I expect the
        other child to complain, but I'm also going to educate him and
        punish if applicable. I feel it's my responsibility to educate him.
        Is it too much to expect other parents to be as responsible?
        Apparently so.
       
        Next question: should I have escalated the issue to the boy's
        parents? I'm thinking about doing so, but am preparing myself to
        get the "you're a foreigner and don't understand our local
        culture" look.