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       iDo the Hard Thing
       iNovember 08th, 2017
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       i
       iI've been thinking about lessons that I want to teach my boy.
       iBoiling down all my experiences and knowledge to some core
       iprinciples that I can invest him with to help him in the future is
       iboth thrilling and overwhelming. On the one hand, I have a lot of
       ispecific things I've experienced I could steer him on, but I think
       iit will be difficult to make all the individual stuff stick with
       ihim. Instead I think it would be best to focus on principles, like
       iliving a life with the willingness to say "Yes!" to new
       iopportunites and challenges. That's what led me to the Navy, or to
       ithe Jesuits, or to live in Alaska. I think it's an important and
       igenerally helpful attitude to pass on. 
       i
       iMost recently I was thinking about an idea I learned as a Jesuit
       inovice called "agere contra". It means to do the opposite. In the
       icontext of Ignatian spirituality it is making a reference to the
       itypes of comfort we experience by doing what comes easy and
       inatural to us. St. Ignatius thought that by avoiding these natural
       itrappings of "easy" we would be forced to rely on God as we faced
       ithe unknown scary things and in doing so become closer with Him.
       i
       iAs an example, when I started the novitiate, all of the novices
       iwere taken around the city to the various apostolates where we
       iwould be spending our "working" time during formation. There were
       ihospitals, nursing homes, hospice care, schools, food pantries,
       iand other various charities and social services. Our novice
       idirector told us to thing about the different places as we
       iexplored them and to pray on each of them and imagine ourselves
       iworking there. Only after we had done that did they introduce the
       iconcept of agere contra. The director said, list for me the top
       itwo apostolates which are the most intimidating to you, the
       iscariest, or the most unnatural to your experience and
       idisposition. What are the last choices you would make. And with
       ithat in mind, he helped assign us to something hard.
       i
       iIn my case that meant I worked in hospice care and elementary
       ieducation, both of which seemed terrifying. I went on to
       iexperience some of the most rewarding months of my life. I not
       ionly broadened my exposure to new things, but I also gained
       iconfidence in my ability (with God's help) to take on the unknown
       iand not just survive, but to thrive.
       i
       iIn the case of my son, the idea of agere contra might be a little
       ibit too complex. Maybe it takes a more sophisticated understanding
       iof the world and yourself to put it into action. But there are
       iparts I think he can grok even at 5 years old.
       i
       iDo the hard thing.
       i
       iThat's the heart I'm working on with him now. I think there's more
       iin that idea than just agere contra, too. As we face increasing
       ithreats to employment through automation, focusing on doing and
       ilearning what is hard is a generally safe way of proceeding. In
       iworking in a group, taking on the hard part will instill a valued
       isocial skill. Ethically it conditions him to avoid poor choices
       ithrough laziness. There's so much good that comes from choosing
       ithe hard path.
       i
       iTurning that lesson inward, I stare at my list of hobbies and
       icringe. I flounder and fail to progress because I am lazy and do
       iwhichever thing strikes my fancy. I need to be deliberate in my
       ipractice or study. I need to do the hard things. Lets see what
       iI can do with that principle and some motivation.
       i