2021-11-21 - Get Out Of Jail Free Card by Paul Chefurka ======================================================= Excerpt from Paul Chefurka [1] interview hosted by Michael Dowd [2]. Being able to accept impermanence really didn't come home to me until my wife died. She had ovarian cancer and opted for a medically assisted death. She and I met first 45 years ago. We had been good friends for a decade and we had fallen out of contact for 30 years, and then reconnected. She came to Ottawa to live with me and we spent 7 years together. It was a very strong relationship. She was also an artist, a fractal artist, a digital artist. She did mind-boggling, beautiful work. She was totally dedicated to it. For the 7 years we were together she worked at her art and I brought home the food, cooked it, and served it to her. She basically worked 16 hours a day in front of her computer for 7 years. She left a library of 3,000 pieces of art behind that is unbelievable. It's on Facebook [3]. Her page is still up. She called herself Visionary Light. All of her work is there. I remember coming home one night after work. She was sitting at her computer like usual. She turned around, smiled at me, and said "Sit down, I have something important to talk with you about." "Okay," I said. She said "It's what we thought. It's ovarian cancer." And I said "Okay, well, why are you smiling?" She said "Well, it's my get out of jail free card. I get to go home!" She was really pretty thrilled about it. She worked for another month or so on her art. I remember her setting down her mouse and her tablet at one point. She pushed away from the desk. She turned around and she said "That's it, I have finished. I've done it all. I've done everything I want to do." So she was able to finish that up. She was able to say wholesome goodbyes to all of her friends. We got arrangements made with the hospital so that they would send over an anesthesiologist to do the procedure. We arranged for a final meal for her from a local restaurant. She had one last dinner: sauteed scallops and crème brûlée and a glass of Patrón tequila to wash it down. And then the process happened. It was very quiet, very calm. It was graceful and dignified. If there can be such a thing as a good death, that was one of the best I could imagine. She felt that the doctor was very compassionate. The nurse was attentive and stayed in the background. We made sure that she was absolutely sure that she wanted to go through with it. There was no question. You could hear it in her voice. I was sitting there with her and our last words were "I love you." She just closed her eyes and went away. That event really informed my understanding of death, what death is about. What endings are about. It lost a lot of its terror for me. Death is no longer a terrible thing. It's something that happens in the course of life. For me it's kind of paradoxical. It seems that I am okay with impermanence. I am okay with it ending. The question is whether I am a little too okay with it. She left a huge mark, from that point of view, on my life. [1] Interview with Paul Chefurka [2] Michael Dowd on postdoom.com [3] Visionary Light digital fractal art tags: collapse,notes,podcast Tags ==== collapse notes podcast