I fell down today.

I had just gone out for a run,  and had only made it but a block from
the house. I  had crossed the street and was  running up the sidewalk
when I kicked a piece of the sidewalk and went sprawling.

I have no idea what it looked like, but I felt like I went airborn. I
had enough time in the air to  think to myself, You are about to land
really hard.  Do not take  the full impact  on your hands.  Those are
your money makers.

I hit the ground with my hands, tried to quickly crumble, and rolled.
I think  I hit hard enough  to make one  full tumble. I stood  up and
assessed the damage.  Seemed minimal. I considered  canceling the run
and going back  home. But then figured I was  okay, even with skinned
hands and skinned knees, and decided to finish the run.

I put down 5k, and felt great. Credit: adrenaline.

Got home and went back to work.  Felt okay during the day. Started to
notice some pain in my wrist and elbow and shoulder.

Canceled the yoga class  I had signed up for because  I don't think I
can put much weight on my hands.

Felt fatigued toward mid-afternoon. Laid down and slept for an hour.

Toward the end of the day felt super fucking depressed. Just mega sad
about everything. Coronavirus. Racism and the police and George Floyd
and Elijah McClain. I got fired from  a job I loved and thought I was
doing good at  (in the middle of a pandemic).  My current contract is
unexpectedly ending early, and I'll  be unemployed again next week. I
need to smog test  the car and renew the license.  My dog is suddenly
really old and I don't know if he'll survive the pandemic.

And everything.

And everything.

And everything.

I think I suffered some physical  trauma  today, and it knocked loose
everything I've been feeling over the  last 3 months, and I'm feeling
it all  really intensely  and all  at once, and  it's really  quite a
fucking lot.


EOF