I made an interesting discovery this past week, thanks in large part to my
cat.

It seems that, for the last couple of decades, I've been drinking soda
incorrectly.

I know what you're thinking. Lkosov, just how special do you have to be to
manage to habitually screw up the simple act of drinking soda... for several
decades?

Well... when I buy soda, I buy bottles. This is largely because I live with a
couple of cats, which makes non-resealable recepticles and containers a Bad
Idea.

And, anyway, when drinking from a bottle, I basically just stick its mouth in
mine, tilt my head and the bottle back, and pour my libation straight down my
cake hole. It's worked fine so far, and seems to be, like, The American Way,
right?

Well, you know how wine afficionados slurp wine? If you browse the World Wide
Web about the subject, there's all this body of alleged science about how the
aeration improves the flavor, yadda yadda.

The other day I was laying in bed, reading. I had a cat on me, and I wanted a
drink of a soda that was sitting nearby. I delicately maneuvered the bottle
into position, and, unable to tilt my head back because of my position, sought
to sake my thirst through the seemingly-unorthodox means of, well... slurping
soda from the bottle.

Life. Changing. Event.

You feel the carbonation. The flavor is dramatically enhanced. The whole
experience is, like, just so much better.

So, I may still be an unattractive, underemployed, loser, but at least I've
finally figured out how to correctly drink soda, now. That ought to count for
something, surely?