I’m here to make you doubt
You wish I weren’t.
I hold no answers in my loaded heart.
I only sit
and wait
and wait
and wait.
- from the ending of “As the Last I May Know”, copyright © 2019 by S.L. Huang
I was inspired by the poem at the end of this short story, which won some awards a while back. I'm not too much into reading anymore, not for any lack of trying to get back into it. Anyway, as I was saying.
I was inspired by this poem, and decided to go back to writing some of my own. Here goes... something.
For all my tries to get the prize
Of a healthy, painless life
All I got was a tangled knot
In my stomach, lined with strife.
**Time to reboot.**
`xen: Booting virtualized kernel under dom0...`
Virtual. Not real. Not exposed.
So that it doesn't hurt.
You virtualize to mitigate vulnerabilities.
In a way... So do I.
I am a `virtual void()`.
No interface, no vulnerabilities.
No interface, no point...
**Time to reboot.**
`xen: Booting virtualized kernel under dom0...`
`systemd[1]: Starting Load Kernel Module social-firewall...`
The answer is in limitation.
Social distancing at its literal.
Allow-list: Three people. Drop all other traffic.
...
Eight months later, someone on the allow-list undermines my kernel's integrity.
*Panic.*
`CPU: 2 PID: 2 at drivers/emotion/love/uncond_love.c:483 - assert "significant_other.emotional_support != null" failed [emotion_engine]`
**Time to reboot.**
`xen: Booting virtualized kernel under dom0...`
`systemd[1]: Starting Load Kernel Module social-firewall...`
`systemd[1]: Starting Load Kernel Module iface-fake-emotion...`
`socialtables -t nat -A POSTROUTING --out-interface fake-emotion -j MASQUERADE`
`socialtables -A FORWARD --in-interface emotion0 -j ACCEPT`
No one comes in anymore.
...
*No one comes in anymore.*
It's getting lonelier by the minute.
*Why do I have to make these stupid fucking hacks anyway?*
**Time to reboot.**
`Booting paravirtualized kernel on bare hardware...`
`Broadcast message from person-f1a830b3df@outside-world (pts/1):`
Go find help, please. You need it.
`Broadcast message from person-1cedb817eb@outside-world (pts/1):`
You're acting really weird and you're creeping me the fuck out.
`Broadcast message from person-84dcfb24df@outside-world (pts/1):`
Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you?
Oh. Right. Now I remember.
**Time to power off.**