LEVITICUS
Around the hills

1

  Standing on top of a steep hill.

    LEVITICUS:
        "‘Do you come here often,
        miss?’"

    MAGDALENE:
        "‘No.’"

    LEVITICUS:
        "‘Quite the sight, isn’t it?’"

    MAGDALENE:
        "‘I couldn’t care less. I do it
        for the fitness.’"

    LEVITICUS:
        "‘And a good job you do at that,
        I must say. But still, a shame
        you’d deny yourself the pleasure
        of the sight.’"

    MAGDALENE:
        "‘Are you hitting on me?’"

    LEVITICUS:
        "‘I am merely proclaiming that I
        enjoy the view from up here.’"

    MAGDALENE:
        "‘Proclaim in silence then. I
        care none for your words.’"

    LEVITICUS:
        "‘Do you treat all strangers
        with the same disrespect?’"

    MAGDALENE:
        "‘Do you?’"

    LEVITICUS:
        "‘Excuse me?’"

    MAGDALENE:
        "‘You suppose I sweat buckets
        running up this hill to listen
        to some intellectual’s
        revelations about the beauty of
        nature?’"

    LEVITICUS:
        "‘No, I reckon you do it for the
        superficiality.’"

    MAGDALENE:
        "‘And you? You do this for the
        inner authenticity?’"

    LEVITICUS:
        "‘Perhaps there is no sense
        talking to you.’"

    MAGDALENE:
        "‘I’ve been hinting at that from
        the moment you opened your
        mouth.’"

    LEVITICUS:
        "‘Yet I cannot let this slide.
        Do you wish to be admired but
        not approached?’"

    MAGDALENE:
        "‘Neither by the likes of you.’"

    LEVITICUS:
        "‘Ah, but what is it then? What
        of my approach is
        unsatisfactory?’"

    MAGDALENE:
        "‘I’m here to sweat buckets, not
        to be lectured about the
        purposelessness of vanity.’"

    LEVITICUS:
        "‘I wouldn’t agree that vanity
        is without purpose.’"

    MAGDALENE:
        "‘Stop trying to rope me deeper
        into your advances.’"

    LEVITICUS:
        "‘But it is you who keep
        responding to me, hinting that
        perhaps you do wish for your
        admirers to sweat buckets in
        order to get through to you.’"

    MAGDALENE:
        "‘Playing hard to get, as you’d
        say, were you not pretentious
        with your words.’"

    LEVITICUS:
        "‘Indeed.’"

    MAGDALENE:
        "‘I can assure you that’s not
        happening. I ran up this hill,
        I’ll rest here and run back
        down. I have no desire to be
        approached by potential
        contenders for my womb.’"

    LEVITICUS:
        "‘Is that what you think this
        is? Attempts of physical
        satisfaction?’"

    MAGDALENE:
        "‘Leave me alone.’"

    LEVITICUS:
        "‘Very well.’"

    * Magdalene runs down the hill.

    LEVITICUS:
        "‘What a cunt.’"