30 June 2021 
# The Day Days and Dreamy Dreams

We have a case of XKCD::621 here. It has almost been a year,
or at least it feels like it.

Writing these, I keep feeling like I'm rapping. I write too
fast, read it fast in my head. Just why? Dear reader, let me
go slow and tell you some stuff about my life as I try hard to
reframe disconnected thoughts into a flowing text that fills
the terminal. Makes me feel warm and fuzzy.

So, how was my year?

## On Change

In my first few months abroad, it turned out I needed a shift
in thinking to do things. Things different from what I used
to. New, exciting things. I'm still processing.  Passion path
has just become a thing in my life.

Some weeks I'd spend hours putting together a plan, a blueprint,
some sort of a foundation I'd organize my life around; the very
next week I'd tear it down. I'd spend weeks doing something
and then see that the way I went about doing it was futile.

Not everything went into the paper bin. I realized a part of
things not working out as I wanted them to was not learning
from mistakes. I bought ten new journals each with a different
cover. I kept writing, regurgitating. Some things didn't make
sense. I wrote them once over.

It turns out, I'm not entirely in charge. Human only has so
much free will. I replanned accordingly. Conquering self is a
quest of different nature.

In the end, it was all me staying up and trying each puzzle
piece. Patterns will emerge, but it'll take diligence.
So it does.

## On Work

Calling things I do "work" has certainly perplexed more than just
a few people in the past. While I do have some "obligations",
I mostly focus on my things. It is a boon that I can live here
for cheap. Something more serious can wait for the time I'm a
little more "merchantable".

COVID has certainly not helped me in my unsure times, but it did
give me some more time to think. I moved abroad started down
some long thoughts. What exactly am I going to do tomorrow,
next week, and the next five years?

I have already discussed my near life-long struggle with
problem-solving in previous posts. I have made some progress,
but not enough to write it down for other people. It is an
especially urgent issue given that I'm about to get into some
real mathematics.

In the summer, I plan on reading the Baby Rudin. Tough luck self;
I'll need it. I'm also picking up Coxeter's "Geometry Revisited".
I haven't done geometry in years and it shows.

Also at some point, I finally managed to conquer the Local
Language. I knew a similar language, so getting fluent was
a matter of resolving the differences. Now I'm learning
Japanese. In fact, I started a few months ago. For now, I'm
immersing and learning grammar. Refold has a few useful kanji
and vocabulary decks. We'll see how this immersion business
will turn out.

Math and Language will provide me with more than enough to
entertain myself with in the summer.

## On Life

COVID is nearly practically over. University will reopen. I'll
get to meet my friends, and maybe make new friends who were
too shy online. I'll taste the food in the food court. It is
always a surprise as it is with all school lunch. I hope it
won't be too funny. And I finally have a proper place to stay.
Life is going up.

This isn't all to say I never feel homesick. A few weeks ago
I got a surprise package from home. I open it up: it is my
old Instrument. How long has it been? I had just dipped my
toes into the music of my country that I gave up when things
got more complicated. I have started playing again. That soft
sound of copper wires, the red and the white in unison...

Ever since I got a Thinkpad, I have become generous with video
games. Honestly? I'm enjoying every bit of catching up with
video games. I got Skyrim and poured Too Many Hours into it
during the winter break. I started playing retro-shooters. I
love-hated X-COM.  Friends sometimes invite me to CSGO
parties. I'm obliterated every time. It is fun, but I should
cut down on it a little bit.

When I'm not stressed about Work, life is good as usual.

## Last Words

I think Readers can infer the rest of the picture for my life. It
hurts sometimes but it flows regardless. I still need to improve
myself in other ways. I'll make habit of exercising regularly
and going outside early in the day, but I can't help with the
fact that I currently don't have many friends to hang out with.

Things will change. I'll write my way into them.

--flydelion

PS: I just saw the 5Qs for the next month. I'll try to answer
them in my next update.