30-09-2019::surface noise (ROOPHLOCH)                    moji.
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A few days ago, I left a ROOPHLOCH entry on my gopher burrow, with
somewhat less context than I should have provided. My intention had
initially been to create an even more elaborate little puzzle to leave
as a ROOPHLOCH entry for port-70 folks to 'solve', but alas working
life and everyday life have been occupying my time quite heavily
lately and I didn't have time in the end to execute the little 'gift'
I had intended to. 

So, I should at least like to note that the smaller gift that I did
manage to leave , which traces its origins very much to an 'outside'
location, has more to it than meets the eye and a bit more to it than
meets the ear as well. The content of things is always found beneath
the surface - happy burrowing.

	              	 *      *     *

My recent inactivity has been the result of some life changes, which
are all positive: a new living situation back in town, working towards
the end of my probation period in my new job - which is going really
well, but also incredibly busy, we're in the middle of launching a few
big campaigns and also making some wins. Currently seeing some
sustainability improvements in industrial farming supply chains as a
result of our activity. It's never enough, but it certainly feels good
to be working somewhere that is actually chipping away at something in
*better* direction(s). 

On top of work and living changes, I'm also approaching the end of a
course of free psychodynamic therapy, which was positive at first, and
more and more challenging as time went on. I picked up a few notes
about 'melancholy' elsewhere on the 'sphere, and I'd like to add some
more detailed notes on this in future, but for now I'll say that I
have my own struggles with melancholy, depression and anxiety and most
days I can be found spending a fair bit of energy navigating those
forces, if I'm honest. I've tried many things to address this over the
years, including talking therapy, psychodynamic therapy, mindfulness,
aerobic exercise and extreme exhaustion and also psychedelic
experiences (namely psilocybin). Of those, all have contributed
towards something like a kind-of 'progress' at different times, though
the hardest part with these things is *maintaining* progress. 

Exercise and exhaustion are particularly good friends to my headspace.
Recently I've been on some pretty big bike rides, the exhaustion from
which helped 'level' my general wellbeing for prolonged periods. A few
weekends ago I cycled 65-miles through the countryside with some
friends, on the hottest day of the year (with a few pub trips in the
middle), and that level of exhaustion done me the world of good. 

In the future I'd like to condense my thoughts on how I've attempted
to grapple with depression/melancholy, from painting to psychedelics
to offered therapies and exercise, if only to hope to clarify a few
things to myself and maybe offer some learnings to others. I don't
know the solution(s), and it's true that right now there's enough to
be brought down about in the world around us as much as within our own
internal worlds (though I would caution here too much separation
between the inner/outer). What I can say for certain is that
solution(s) can't be found when we're being hard on ourselves - and
one thing a good many of us could stand to get better at is learning
how to be more caring with ourselves, go easier on ourselves, and also
be gentle, both with ourselves and with others.  In this world of
bombastic characters in the public eye and strong, bullish opinions,
polar/binary oppositions and words and forces circulating the globe as
lethal weapons, increasingly I think that a different tone and a
different approach - with words, gesture, care, sociality,
intelligence, integrity, shit.. even 'virtue' - could consider a more
gentle disposition. More and more recently I aspire to be so gentle.

Take care of yourselves port-70 dwellers. Go easy. Be well. 

And let me know what you think of my ROOPHLOCH!

~ moji