Since this episode, when something is not quite right, I wonder if I'm
dead. That doesn't tell you alot, I know.

Usually after a near brush with death. Sometimes it's just too quite,
too still, extreme deja vu or somebody is ignoring me. That might explain
alot more.

Like a world with cheat codes that makes no senses. I wish my dreams where
like that, except I am trapped. Lately I have been trapped in windows,
nothing symbolic like glass cages.  Software windows like a windows command
prompt or lately the Kaspersky Endpoint security center control panel. I'm
endlessly confused not sure where I came from or what I am trying to fix. I
just know everything is broken and there some solution somewhere.

I can't ALT+TAB my way out of it. I must face it. Sometimes I see a few
lines of batch or xml but can't remember them even immediately after the
dreams as I try to write everything down. Most of my short life deploying
365 was spent trying resolve a license issue created by our firewall guy
not opening ports we kept asking where open or not. In fairness he can run
circles around me in terms of skill and has alot on his plate.

I think we are looking for god or some sort of spirtuality in the wires. So
many people I've takled to want to believe some entity like anonymous or QAnon
will set them free when religion has so clearly failed them. A weird thing
about alot of people who enjoy cyberpunk, myself included at one point. Instead
of escaping into the world's created by Sterling or Gibson and coming back
to earth with a little perspective, I wanted to live in them and deal with
their problems based on the narcissitic notion that I could actually handle
it.A few lost bitcoin wallets and PGP keys later, I have learned as you may
guess, I'm not bright enough but I wasn't smart in the first place to ebrace
this idiocy. At least I didn't run Silkroad like that poor bastard.

A digital world where hackers are gods or at least dark mages empowered at
a level unlike anything in meatspace. But there is no digital jesus, while
speak as an idiot, I find geniuses to be a little overated. The most effective
have simply as in the unix philosophy, done one thing and done it well. As
single men on their own Jonas Salk and Norman Bourloug have objectively done
the must good for humanity but neither change anything outside their field.

What about Assange? what about wikileaks? What about anon? or Snowden? Assange
is a script kiddie, Wikileaks is a https website with a terrible track
record for protecting leakers, anonymous is unruly mob of kids running LOIC
and Snowden was in the right place at the right time to ruin his life. Same
goes for Manning.

In they end they just provided information that you actively ignore while you
obsess with pizzas in a pedophile and think an acclaimed bullshit artist is
working to free you of the opression of the deep state as you read and say
whatever you want.