Phases of life 08/04/21
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I  recall an  instance, I  was probably  about ten  years old,  when I
looked at some kids  that were just a little older  than me (they were
probably 12-15),  and thought, "wow, it  will be so cool  to be *that*
old!"

Another  early  memory I  have  was  walking  through a  mostly  empty
building with  my mother,  looking for  a room where  she was  to meet
someone. We passed an open door, and  inside there was a young girl (I
think  it was)  playing Bach's  Minuet in  G on  the violin.  I recall
thinking, "it  would be  so cool  to be able  to play  that kind  of a
song!"

For me, it's  always been easy to look forward  to some upcoming phase
of life, and feel excited, like I can't wait to get there.

I recall  feeling this way when  I was getting ready  to graduate high
school, as a young adult, before I got married, before career changes,
big moves, and prior to other large events or changes. There have been
plenty of times when I've looked at my life in terms of phases.

Fast  forward to  the past  several  years, and  I must  admit that  I
haven't been thinking the same way. This sort of "middle age" area has
been a  little undefined. I've  gotten my  hands dirty with  plenty of
life, and  less and  less surprises  me. Somehow,  that seems  to have
created a sensation that there is no "next phase."

Presently, I  don't feel  that way. Very  recently, I've  been feeling
like I'm actually  in a transition again, but that  I haven't realized
it  as marked  a way.  It's not  really an,  "I can't  wait!" sort  of
sensation.  Going  from childhood  to  adolescence  carries all  these
perceived promises of freedom and  expansion, that moving in, through,
and  out of  middle age  doesn't really  carry. But,  there's still  a
feeling, and it's not bad.

I'm excited about the phase I'm in.  I don't know that I have been for
a while. But I  am now. I'm excited for the phases  that come next, if
and when they come  (because as an adult, we become  more aware of our
mortality,  right?).  And,  to  be  honest, I'm  fine  if  they  don't
come--not that I'm  interested in stopping the life  train abruptly or
anything, just that I'm satisfied with how it's gone so far.

There is,  of course, the  issue of mistakes, harms,  damage, regrets,
and every other description of  imperfection. That has been a constant
part of life  throughout, and I can only assume  that it will continue
that way.  Do we focus  more on these  issues when we're  younger, and
relax more when  we're older? I haven't really looked  into it. For my
part, the anxiety about all of that seems lighter now than it did when
I was half this age.

Looking forward into hypotheticals, I am also excited about the phases
that come next.  For the past ten years, about,  I've been associating
with people  that are a  few decades my seniors.  I don't know  why or
how, it just happened. The practice (or opportunity, depending how you
look at the universe) has been very positive.

Anyway, here's to the phases of life! Wherever you are--even if you're
at a place  where you're no longer excited--I invite  you to lift your
glass and  toast to what's  left and  what's behind. You've  come this
far, and you may well have a ways to go. May you enjoy it thoroughly!