A Nielsen Buck 06/18/22
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The Nielsen Company  sent me a big old survey  in the mail. Thirty-two
pages long, with a pre-paid  return envelope. Apparently, they want to
know  everything about  my consumer  habits. I  don't need  thirty-two
pages to tell  them about how much I dislike  consumerism, how I avoid
all advertising, watch zero TV, etc.

Anyway, it came with a form  letter explaining how excited I should be
to be a  "voice for my community!" and all  that. What an opportunity!
And to  prove just how real  this all was,  there was a crisp,  new $1
bill attached  to the bottom  of the page, and  a promise of  $5 after
finishing  the packet  (wowwy!).  A Nielsen  Buck,  straight from  the
Federal Reserve.

I pulled  the Buck  off and  set it  aside, then  trashed the  rest. A
trophy buck, I figured.  Maybe I'd keep it on my  desk for laughs. Who
knows, it could become a permanent fixture!

A  rap on  the  door this  evening ended  my  shameless Buck  hoarding
scheme.  It was  two  little girls  from down  the  street. They  were
selling  candy  for some  fund-raiser.  "I  don't  have any  cash,"  I
started, when I  recalled the Nielsen Buck. I told  them to sit tight,
retrieved it, and bought myself  a Yummy-Lix Cherry Cheesecake gourmet
lolipop, which I'm sucking on as I write this. It's full of corn syrup
and evil, but it tastes alright.

Maybe I'll make  a taste-memory out of it.  This particular artificial
chemical-ether taste  will forever  mean "Nielsen  Buck" in  my neural
pathways. It's probably better than cluttering up my desk anyway.