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#Post#: 30--------------------------------------------------
Overpowering mothers
By: clare low Date: March 28, 2017, 11:49 am
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Do read the new blog on the www.myhorridparent.com website.
Having an overpowering mother is so hard to manage.
#Post#: 38--------------------------------------------------
Re: Overpowering mothers
By: MES Date: March 30, 2017, 5:51 am
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They're easier to deal with when they're dead! Don't have to
deal with them at all then, you just have the emotional baggage
and unresolved issues to work out. Sorry Claire I have a dark
sense of humour.
#Post#: 54--------------------------------------------------
Re: Overpowering mothers
By: lycanthrope Date: March 31, 2017, 5:02 pm
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Hello, I am a 63 year old man.
I am still suffering from the effects of having had an
exceptionally domineering, jealous, violent and obsessive mother
- and a very shy father who lacked confidence and who did not
know how to deal with my mother.
I agree that the effects last a life time.
I have seen a therapist, that was a great help, I can recommend
it.
I went to an all boys public school, I had no sisters, and as a
family we had no friends.
I therefore grew up with only one female in my life and I was
terrified of her.
I was afraid of girls but when my hormones kicked in - which
they did with a vengeance - I found myself in the position of
being very strongly attracted to that which I feared the most.
Because I am anonymous on here I am prepared to share how this
affected me and how I finally healed most (but not all) of the
damage, and how I raised three perfectly normal children.
I will get straight to the point - voyeurism and using
pornography provided my release from this conflict during my
boyhood and youth.
I am happy to discuss this issue as long as my complete
anonymity is preserved.
I was in my late twenties before I conquered my fear of girls -
and then, I was like a kid in a candy shop.
I started to find it very easy to seduce women (physically I am
quite attractive, I was simply lacking in confidence) and I now
regret being so promiscuous. I broke several hearts and still
feel very guilty about that.
After a while I settled down and married and am now a proud
father and grandfather - but some of the damage is still there,
deep down.
I still cringe when I remember some of the cruelty my mother
inflicted on me.
However, I am a Christian now, and have totally forgiven her,
because she knew not what she did.
No one is beyond redemption.
#Post#: 162--------------------------------------------------
Re: Overpowering mothers
By: steved Date: December 12, 2017, 11:04 am
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Overpowering and SPITEFUL go hand in hand. I was lucky to
marry a lovely girl and have been married for decades, My mum
liked my wife until my wife sided with me in a disagreement with
the evil old........ then the worm turned. Mum got a bill for
£700 for household insurance, my wife offered to try and find a
better deal for her. wife spent weekend online and on the phone
getting quotes finally getting a policy with the same coverage
as mums £700 bill but for £94. Wife proudly sorted everything
out, went through it all, right to the point where my wife said
" I just need your signature and bank details" My mother just
snarled " I'm not telling YOU any of my financial arrangements"
and threw the paperwork on the floor.
We have a son, I adore him as does my wife, my mum tolerated
him, she way always promising to collect him from school and
take him for an icecream and sweets but never did. She used to
give him £2 a month pocket money when his was about 4 or 5.
One day she offered him the £2 and said " Give Grandma a kiss"
and being a daft infant he said " I dont want to kiss you"
She snapped back venomously " If I dont get a kiss you will
never get anything else off me " our boy just went and
cuddled his mum as kids do. She NEVER gave him another penny,
not a birthday or Christmas card either.
#Post#: 164--------------------------------------------------
Re: Overpowering mothers
By: autumnap Date: December 12, 2017, 11:55 am
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[quote author=MES link=topic=7.msg38#msg38 date=1490871102]
They're easier to deal with when they're dead! Don't have to
deal with them at all then, you just have the emotional baggage
and unresolved issues to work out. Sorry Claire I have a dark
sense of humour.
[/quote]
Yep, I'm in the same boat as you. My mother died nearly 20 years
ago and I'm still no nearer dealing with what she said and did.
When my 2 sisters and I were asked by my dad to think about what
hymns we should have at the funeral, I suggested "Ding dong the
witch is dead." Oddly enough, that wasn't in the hymn book!! ;D
#Post#: 168--------------------------------------------------
Re: Overpowering mothers
By: steved Date: December 12, 2017, 4:19 pm
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[quote author=autumnap link=topic=7.msg164#msg164
date=1513101304]
[quote author=MES link=topic=7.msg38#msg38 date=1490871102]
They're easier to deal with when they're dead! Don't have to
deal with them at all then, you just have the emotional baggage
and unresolved issues to work out. Sorry Claire I have a dark
sense of humour.
[/quote]
Yep, I'm in the same boat as you. My mother died nearly 20 years
ago and I'm still no nearer dealing with what she said and did.
When my 2 sisters and I were asked by my dad to think about what
hymns we should have at the funeral, I suggested "Ding dong the
witch is dead." Oddly enough, that wasn't in the hymn book!! ;D
[/quote]
Thats three of us then, I now feel relief then shame for
feeling relief, even after she has gone she still mages to hurt
me.
#Post#: 183--------------------------------------------------
Re: Overpowering mothers
By: Jennifer Date: December 14, 2017, 2:31 pm
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Make that four Steved
My mother has been dead 24 yrs and through guilt even though I
don’t know what I did but try and love her and please her,
I visit her grave every other month WHY can someone tell me, she
broke my heart many times from being 7 yrs old , beat me with a
dog lead threw food icluding plate at me, threw shoes at me
busting my lip, hit with hairbrush anything to hand .Showed me
up in front of friends, boyfriends humiliated me told I was
thick never had a birthday party kids stopped inviting me to
theirs as we never reciprocated, so I was left out at school,
even when married she would humiliate me in front of in laws the
list is endless so why do I keep going to the cemetery, why
can’t I let go of something that ruined my childhood and
adults life. I’m 68 now with 2 wonderful children and
learned from my mothers mistakes, 3 beautiful grandchildren
including Twins, when will I realise that it wasn’t my
fault I had such an awful mother
#Post#: 186--------------------------------------------------
Re: Overpowering mothers
By: steved Date: December 14, 2017, 4:37 pm
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[quote author=Jennifer link=topic=7.msg183#msg183
date=1513283470]
Make that four Steved
My mother has been dead 24 yrs and through guilt even though I
don’t know what I did but try and love her and please her, I
visit her grave every other month WHY can someone tell me, she
broke my heart many times from being 7 yrs old , beat me with a
dog lead threw food icluding plate at me, threw shoes at me
busting my lip, hit with hairbrush anything to hand .Showed me
up in front of friends, boyfriends humiliated me told I was
thick never had a birthday party kids stopped inviting me to
theirs as we never reciprocated, so I was left out at school,
even when married she would humiliate me in front of in laws the
list is endless so why do I keep going to the cemetery, why
can’t I let go of something that ruined my childhood and adults
life. I’m 68 now with 2 wonderful children and learned from my
mothers mistakes, 3 beautiful grandchildren including Twins,
when will I realise that it wasn’t my fault I had such an awful
mother
[/quote]
Jenny if I may call you Jenny? She has done a real number
on you to a point you are looking for an answer that she knows
you will never get, I look at it this way all the time my
mother was alive I was afraid, guilty, shamed, sad, unhappy,
incomplete etc even when I got married to a lovely girl. Then 20
years later we had our son and he so brightened up and enriched
my life I realised that if I wanted to be ME, BE a good husband,
be the best dad I could and to be able to FOCUS on my wife and
son I had to Forget my late mother, which is not easy. You
feel OBLIGED to her but she clearly felt no obligation to you.
You owe her NOTHING, focus on the good things you NOW have and
forget what came before because I think that you feel somehow it
was all your fault, It was NOT.
Steve
PS your post because of your name made me smile inwardly, Not
for your heartbreaking misfortune, but because the only time I
remember in my early years ( about 5 til 7 years old) I only
remember one act of friendship and kindness and that was at
school by a girl called Jennifer !!
#Post#: 191--------------------------------------------------
Re: Overpowering mothers
By: Jennifer Date: December 15, 2017, 4:24 am
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Thank you Steved for your warm reply, I still feel she is
watching over me and almost expecting me to turn up at Xmas with
a wreath which I will do this year and then hope I have the guts
to say bye mum and not return, I ve done my bit, paid my dues
not that I owed anything . My brother 4 yrs younger than me was
the bright blue eyed boy could do no wrong well he wouldn’t do
because he never did any wrong mmmmm, but has never visited the
grave since she was buried there nor my dad who died 10 yrs
later. I am more than angry at my dad as he allowed all this to
happen, too weak and guess afraid of her, only once when I was
in the back of their car and I was with my then 2 yr old boy and
she was having a real go at me about something that didn’t suit
her and she had embarrassd me in front of my brother in law did
my dad say enough and she shut up , how dare she send me to a
Sunday school with such evilness in her, so many things .
Of course you may call me Jenny lot of people do pity my mothers
name was Jenny can’t get away from it lol
#Post#: 194--------------------------------------------------
Re: Overpowering mothers
By: steved Date: December 15, 2017, 4:54 am
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[quote author=Jennifer link=topic=7.msg191#msg191
date=1513333493]
Thank you Steved for your warm reply, I still feel she is
watching over me and almost expecting me to turn up at Xmas with
a wreath which I will do this year and then hope I have the guts
to say bye mum and not return, I ve done my bit, paid my dues
not that I owed anything . My brother 4 yrs younger than me was
the bright blue eyed boy could do no wrong well he wouldn’t do
because he never did any wrong mmmmm, but has never visited the
grave since she was buried there nor my dad who died 10 yrs
later. I am more than angry at my dad as he allowed all this to
happen, too weak and guess afraid of her, only once when I was
in the back of their car and I was with my then 2 yr old boy and
she was having a real go at me about something that didn’t suit
her and she had embarrassd me in front of my brother in law did
my dad say enough and she shut up , how dare she send me to a
Sunday school with such evilness in her, so many things .
Of course you may call me Jenny lot of people do pity my mothers
name was Jenny can’t get away from it lol
[/quote]
Jenny ( damn I love that name, Jenny and Wendy my favourite
girls names :) )
I have never visited my mothers resting place and have no
intention of doing so. Jenny have you asked yourself WHO is
that Wreath REALLY for? Could it be you trying to deposit your
hurt and sadness at her feet literally?
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